STAYCATION? FOR SURE

May 19, 2016
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OK, as a well heeled, experienced traveler, your latest escapade was a three-day weekend at an ultra-luxury ranch in Montana. First you had to fly from Los Angeles to Salt Lake City, dealing with the security check for 90 minutes or more. In Salt Lake City you quizzically wondered why the airport restaurant had only huge booths for seating… until you saw the how large the average patrons were. Your connecting flight to Montana is 20 minutes late and there is nothing you can do about it. Finally, as you arrive in Boise, the limo-truck from the resort is nowhere to be found: they had not been made aware of the delayed arrival. Finally, after 15 minutes of drinking translucent coffee a the diner, the truck shows up: the drive to the Ranch takes exactly 85 minutes. The ranch is idyllic, but you have already wasted one third of your stay getting here. Do not worry: you will be wasting another third attempting to go home. By the end of your three-day weekend, you will both be exhausted, frustrated and tense. A disaster.

Here I come with Staycation Deluxe: you are politely asked to leave your home Friday and go have lunch somewhere. When you return two hours later this is what you find:
Two massage beds have been installed poolside, and two therapists are standing by for your couples massage.
Also poolside, but shaded by an umbrella, a pianist is tickling the ivories of a baby grand: all your favorites tunes. Rose petals have been floated on the surface of the pool.
After the massage, a bottle of Bollinger is being opened by a maitre d’hotel while his assistant serves hors d’oeuvre.

Later when you feel like going to your bedroom to change and take a nice bath, the room has been “staged” for you: the clutter is gone (don’t worry, Staycation Deluxe will put everything back in place before they leave – they took many pictures to make sure that US Weekly is at the right angle next to last December’s issue of Town & Country). Your bed has not only been turned down, but also fitted with wonderful high-thread-count sheets. Same applies to the bathroom, which has also been completely de-cluttered. A scented bath is awaiting you. When you come out, your clothes for dinner that night have been carefully laid on the bed: your own clothes found in your closet, but beautifully matched and appropriate for the season.

Some fragrant smells rise from your kitchen, while, outside, the piano has started playing again. Champagne and hors d’oeuvre in the living room, with the sliding veranda doors opened onto the poolside pianist.

20 minutes later, the butler politely announces that dinner is served. In your dining room, it is all your china, your silver and your glassware, but the very best of it, and it shines as it never has before. Candles, and still, barely audible now, that piano. Wonderful cuisine appears one small delicious course at a time, never including anything you or she might be allergic to. Perfect wine service as well. The wine comes from your cellar but has been selected without your involvement. When time comes for the “pièce de résistance” along with the butler comes a young man in chef’s whites: he was featured in the Los Angeles Times this week. He is the hottest chef in California this year.

After dinner the two of you will be having a private early projection of the winner of the Palme d’Or in Cannes, also arranged by Staycation Deluxe.

The next day, breakfast in bed includes the most delicious items you could have gotten in a Five-Star hotel, and come with an ironed copy of the Weekend Wall Street Journal.

After a simple poolside lunch (this time, the piano has been replaced by a flamenco guitarist), if your hobby is collecting signed 1st edition books, an expert has been summoned, carrying a large selection of your favorite authors. Alternatively a chauffeur may be waiting to take you to a preview of an auction of great interest to you at Bonham & Butterfield.

And so on… and so on.

Imagine living like a queen or a king for a few days without ever leaving home?

Call it Be Our Own Bee&Bee

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